Was it Even Worth it?

College athletes across the United States are left to pick up the pieces of what was their senior season. Their last chance to lace up in their university colors and represent the school they have spent the last few years working their asses off for. I’m one of those students. To be completely honest, I’m shaken to the core about everything that is going on. This global epidemic isn’t supposed to affect me, right? Aren’t college athletes supposed to be untouchable? Today, we learned we aren’t.

Now we’re all left to wonder what could’ve been. Could the number one seed have won the national wrestling title? Could the 12 upset the 5 like in all other March Madness’s? Would the backup pitcher reignite the losing team in the bottom of the 6^th and lead them to their first conference title? We’ll never know. For me, that’s the toughest part. Never knowing.

I recently got asked by someone if I was mad, sad, or pissed about the potential of my senior season being canceled. I waited a few moments before responding because, in that moment, I couldn’t narrow it down to one of the three. I felt all of these emotions, but for different reasons. The only thing that I knew that I wanted was to cry. I had all these emotions built up, and they had one thing in common: crying. Boy, did I let the water gates open.

I realized that this was more than one spring tournament or season. This was the  culmination of years of hard work. Though, it’s different than what many would think. I instantly went back to when I was a teenager and grinding my ass off in the pouring rain or using the lights of my golf cart as a guide to play once the sun went down. It was the relentless work ethic that I instilled as a way to hold myself accountable. I’m not sitting here upset for the senior who is losing out on her senior season. I’m sitting here for the 15-year-old who came early, stayed late, and worked like there was no tomorrow.

I was working for the kid who spent the evenings grinding over one last drill even when no one was watching. We work so hard to get recruited by our dream college and sign there our senior year of high school. That’s where my mind went next. Remembering that all the hard work was worth it, up until that point. Knowing I had four more years to prove myself and leave everything out there when it was all said and done.

Now, I’m there. I’m at my dream school. Only, I had my last tournament/game. It was weeks and months ago. For athletes in the fall sports, they knew when their last game was. Whether it was at the end of the regular season, a win or be done situation, they knew the importance. Sure, we all suit up, in what could be our last game, hoping we could get just one more. It’s in the back of every athletes’ mind so don’t try to say it isn’t. Only, mine was six months ago. The thought of that tournament being my last of my college career, you couldn’t pay me enough money to even consider that.

Yet, here I am. Praying to God, that six months ago wasn’t my last game and this is all a dream. Only, I know it’s not. I’m left to consider if I left it all out there. I didn’t. I took it all for granted. I know I’m not the only one. We’re all taught to leave it all on the field in case it is our last game or tournament, but do we really?

It breaks my heart to even read the tweets, Facebook posts, Instagram stories of everyone who has lost out on the final game before knowing it was their last. I’m not saying that the cure is to give each and every one of us one more season. To those who have one or more seasons, games, tournaments, meets ahead of them, please recognize the privilege you are given. Don’t give it your all for only you and your team, give it your all for every college athlete who didn’t get the chance.

We’re all taught to think about the 6-year-old in the stands who hopes to be you one day. Next year, think about last year’s graduated senior who wasn’t even given that chance. Sports are bigger than you or your school. They unite people who otherwise would have never met.  Do your part and be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you left it all out there.

To the college athletes who lost out on their last game or season, know that it was all worth it. Know the hours you put in starting as a kid and ending as a college athlete were worth it. It’s a hard pill to swallow I know. Like most things, with time, it will get easier. Learn to appreciate all the minutes, hours, days, months and years you got to perfect your craft. We’re lucky, even though it doesn’t seem like it right now.

 

365: It Matters

Mental Health

Mental health matters. It’s not really talked about much in high school, almost like it’s ‘taboo’. Which is stupid, really. It wasn’t until college that I realized how important, and at times detrimental, it can be to success, motivation, and happiness. Even once I started to realize all of this, I didn’t have the tools necessary to get over the mental humps and hard times making them seem bigger and worse than they were. But things are different now.

Change

It’s an inevitable part of life and without it people would be stuck in the same rut over and over with little to no variance. At times, it sucks. There’s no easy way to put it, but it just sucks. But at the end of the day, it necessary for each and every one of us to go through changes to grow and reach our full potential.

Environment

The environment we live in and surround ourselves with can either help spark change or stop it from happening. Sometimes, we don’t even realize how influential, good or bad, an environment can be to us until we remove ourselves from it and start over somewhere new.

…

One year ago, I sat down in my dorm room at the University of South Dakota confused and angry. I didn’t know what to do with my life or what the heck was even going to happen to me moving forward. So, I did what people, who seem to have their life together, do; I started a blog.  Today, I find myself doing the same thing. This time is different though. I’m at Grand View University and in a much better place than I was this time last year.

I’m at a new school, playing with new teammates, meeting new friends, studying a new major. I hate change but realize, now more than ever, it’s necessary. I’ve had greater success on the course than I had prior as well as excelling in the classroom (I’ll spare you the boring details of the numbers). The environment I’m in allows me to realize that it’s okay to fail. If all we did was win, we’d never learn anything. I’m surrounded by people who don’t care who you were or where you came from. It’s nice. It’s refreshing.  Sure, I’m surviving, but without a doubt I know I’m thriving.

I look back at where I was and who I was a year ago, and I thank God every day that I’m no longer there. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Every way possible. That isn’t meant to sound like I don’t miss the people or the place. I miss them everyday, but I know I’m happier, healthier, and stronger than ever. Being 15 minutes from home gives me security that I didn’t originally understand I needed. My parents, mainly my mom, joke that they’re going to change the locks. But I know they love me too much and would miss me if I never graced them with my presence. Even if it’s only for 10 minutes or to just drop off dirty clothes.

When I first posted my blog, I mainly did it for me. I did it so I wouldn’t have to explain to people why I transferred. I wanted to save myself from getting red in the face whenever I ran into someone I knew at the grocery store. I soon realized it was bigger than me.

Aside from making this easier on myself, I wanted to put my story out there to help others. I said if I could help just one person think twice about making that potentially life altering decision or having someone consider going and telling their coach they’re struggling then I’ll feel like I’ve done right. I now understand that it’s bigger than that. It’s bigger than having people think twice about decision making or talking to someone. It’s about making people not only feel but understand that they aren’t alone in all of this. They are more than a person in a jersey, the student in the classroom, or the child at the dinner table. At the end of the day we’re all human and struggles are inevitable. How we respond to them is what makes us who we are.

A year ago, I thought my life was over. But I’ve come to realize that it was only the ending of a chapter, not a book. I get to choose how my story ends and it sure as hell isn’t going to be while I’m still in college. I gained back a part of myself when I realized that my mental health is much more important than any shot I could ever hit.

 

 

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree

I love my parents. I have a fairly relaxed relationship with them and often refer to them as Tammy K and J Bird. I talk about my mom A LOT. I tweet about the funny things she does, post embarrassing photos and videos of her on my snap chat (kkerrigan34), and give her a hard time about literally everything. I don’t really do the same with my dad, not because I don’t love him, just because that isn’t really his personality. Just recently did I realize how little I actually talk about him or refer to him. It wasn’t until I was hanging out with some friends and one asked if my dad was in my life. Wow. That was a wake up call. The guy who raised me into the golfer and person I am, was he even in my life? Dang. But yes he is in my life. Even when I’m not with him I see myself following in his footsteps and copying his mannerisms.

1. Social Gatherings: Quick facts about my parents: my mom knows everyone under the sun and love love loves social gatherings. My dad, not so much. I’m the same way. I mean it’s not like I hate going out, but there’s something nice and comforting about spending the night in to just hang out and relax. Neither of us really go out of our way to meet new people. We like the friends we have and don’t really care to meet new people.
2. Humor: My dad and I’s humor is extremely dry. We’re sarcastic and have both perfected dropping in subtle comments in conversations without cracking a smile. My dad use to do this thing to my brother and I when we were younger. He would put one hand on our heads and slap his hand with his other and walk away chuckling because it would drive me and Karson insane.
3. Music: My dad is very committed to the music he listens to. I guess you could say he’s pretty religious about it. I’m the same way, I’ve listened to the same 5-6 bands since I was 12/13 and don’t ever see myself stopping.
4. Golf: My dad was the person who got me into golf. He loved that I loved to play because it allowed him to get out of the house on the weekends and avoid chores. He knows more than I ever will and can shoot 72 any time he plays. A few years ago we were playing at Briarwood and on the first hole he nearly holed out, with a 7 iron, for eagle from the fairway. Tapped in for his birdie and went to number 2, a par 3. With the same 7 iron he got a hole in one. By far the craziest thing I’ve ever in my life witnessed. Pretty sure he ended up shooting 67.
5. Golf Clubs: My dad and I are both the ‘if it’s not broke don’t fix it’ type when it comes to our clubs. He plays the same Ping irons he’s had since the 90’s. Only regripped them once, and still hits them as pure as ever. It’s actually really annoying.
6. Shopping: The way my dad shops is the same way I do it. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. We find something we like and buy it in 2-3 colors. My closet is filled with sweats in groups of 3: 1 black, 1 light grey, 1 dark grey. His is the same way. When I was in elementary school every Friday my dad and I would hang out. We’d go play golf, if the weather was good, and then grab dinner. After dinner we’d go to Kohls and he’d let me pick out with a pair of jeans, sweats, or a hoodie. FROM THE BOYS SECTION. (I was a total tomboy and it drove my mom nuts when I dressed like a boy but my dad would let me). Every Friday would end the same way “if your mother asks, just say you found them in Karson’s closet.”

For as much as my dad and I have in common, we’re not completely the same.  He’s one of the smartest people I know and it drives insane how he remembers literally everything he’s ever read or watched. Sure there are things about him that I can’t stand, but I think it’s his job as a parent to drive me crazy.

Dome is (was) Home

I’ve dreaded writing this since the day I had the idea for it. I’ve dreaded it because I knew once I posted it that my time at the University of South Dakota had come to an end. Two school years, 22 months, hundreds of photos and videos, 60 credit hours, and a lifetime of memories are all that remain.
Vermillion was the small town I always wanted to live in growing up and never let me down in having like literally nothing to do in it. Its simplicity was something that I fell in love with from the moment I first visited and what I’ll miss most. The Walmart greeters, Smith’s employees, crummy snow removal services, and always present ‘verm cats’ will always have a special place in my heart.

USD was the college campus and environment I didn’t know I needed until I was thrown in on the first day of classes. The short walks in between classes and personal relationships formed with professors was something that as a high school student I hadn’t even thought about. I have friends that go to colleges with 30,000 plus students where professors will NEVER learn their name and I am so thankful I will never know what that feels like.

While I am sure to miss the community and environment I have become accustomed to over the last couple of years, I will miss the people far more than anything else. These people started out as forced friends, who became my true friends, and then before I realized it family. I can’t even begin to count all the friends I’ve made during my time here and each person has taught me more than the last. All the hours spent practicing, traveling, studying, hanging out, and complaining together have given me many laughs, tears, hugs, and memories. The late nights are what I’ll miss most. Whether it was hanging out with people, killing time in the Dome, or putting at The Bluffs until the sun went down, I was always having the time of my life.

I’ve sat back and wondered how the heck I lasted 20 years of my life without these people in my life and all I gotta say is God works some seriously good miracles insuring I ended up here. When I stepped foot on campus in August 2016 I was a scared freshman who had no idea what she was going to do with her life or how she was going to cope with being 3.5 hours away from home. I’m leaving in May 2018 with a brain (semi) filled with knowledge, wisdom, and experiences that will help me well beyond my college years. Vermillion will always be my second home, and the people I’ve met here will always be my second family.
#GoYotes

The Importance of a Sista

This post goes out to my sista Katie. I wouldn’t have made it through my first two years of college without your constant sarcasm, reassurance, support, and life talks.

For the purpose of getting the most out of this post I’ll start off my explaining the dictionary definition of a sista. Urban Dictionary defines a sista as “A females friend, that’s more than one’s best friend”. When used in a sentence properly: “You are more than that, you’re my sista.” Sistas start out as friends, become best friends, and then become your sista.

Growing up I had my fair share of friends that were girls, but as I got older I began having guys as my best and closest friends. It wasn’t until college that I really met girls that I looked at as my best friends. Katie and I were teammates and roommates before we became friends but once we were friends, all bets were off.

We did everything together. Hungout, practiced, studied, ate, socialized, and laughed together. I quickly realized that I’d met someone who had the same sense of humor as me and that I could be my true self around without the fear of being judged. I think the first time I realized Katie and I were getting really close was when she shared a tweet with me. To some people, probably older adults, it might not seem like much, but to teens and young adults it awesome when someone shares a tweet with you.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that becoming best friends with someone with the same sense of humor as you is a great feeling. Having that with Katie was both comforting and reassuring.

The importance of having a sista goes beyond having someone who laughs at the same jokes as you. It’s having someone who will be there to listen to you, cry with you, go to war with you, but mostly enjoy life with you. Ever seen Greys Anatomy? The famous phrase ‘my person’ was coined from that show and is repeated quite often. I found that with my sista. Finding ‘my person’ has by far been the best thing that has happened to me since leaving high school and beginning college.

You and your sista will share so many memories together that you won’t be able to remember them all. Along the way, you’ll probably get a couple nicknames. Katie and I were called ‘Whispers and Chuckles’ since she’d always be the one whispering stuff and I’d always be chuckling along right there beside her. Like Katie once said “I whisper it because if people heard half the shit we talked about…” and it was true.

Life will get tough from time to time and having a sista to lean on will only help you get through it. Having someone always willing to listen to you at nearly any time of the day or night is awesome. I went though some of my toughest moments this year and Katie was with by my side each and every day. Always a phone call, text, or snap away, she went well beyond the demands of sista hood.

You’ll learn not only to go through heartbreak and defeat with your sista, but also celebreate the triumphs. Being able to commemorate all of the wins though these last two years has been awesome. We can sometimes get caught up in all the negative aspects of our lives, but having someone who reminds you to look at the positives makes all the difference. Together, we learned to celebrate the little wins as well as not beat ourselves up too much over the loses. Finding positivity in the little things was the aspect of Katie’s personality that was infectious. She also made me realize how important family is and to always take the time to stay close with them.

Pictured is both a triumph and defeat. We took this picture before the tournament began as we were feeling confident. It bit us in the butt though as we lost in the first round.

You and your sista won’t always see eye to eye. That IS okay. Having different beliefs or opinions of people or things will only help you broaden your horizons and learn more in life. You’re not meant to agree on everything and that is normal. Agreeing on everything is kinda weird and at times a little scary. Having different interest on something can help you open up to new things such as trying a new food or drink. Katie introduced me to smoke salmon and it was amazing. (Mom, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for never trying it when you make it). Also, Katie was in to a lot of reality tv shows that I was subjected to watching. Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Real House Wives of New Jersey were a couple of her favorites along with nearly everything on HGTV. I think I now know what kind of makeup to buy, who to avoid when I’m on the East coast and what kind of home I want once I start looking.

We agree on one thing, Tiger Woods is the GOAT. We do however, view him in two different, polar opposite ways.

Sistas are also meant to be blunt with you even when you don’t want to hear it. The thing that keeps flashing through my head when I think about this is a tweet. “When you ask your girls if you should text your ex and they say no but joke was on them because you already texted him” and it’s a video of the guy opening the bottle of wine? Sistas are going to tell you how it is, not because they don’t care about you’re feelings, but because they have your best interest in mind. They will tell you to stop snapping that one person who keeps leaving you on open even though you sooo badly want to send them another. Katie was very cut and dry when I needed her to be, but she always did so in a way to make me know I wasn’t being judged and that it was all okay.

So, to all the girls out there who have a sista, tell them you love them. If you don’t have a sista, I 12/10 recommend you find one. They make life better, bring out the best in you, and if she’s anything like Katie, you’ll be laughing until your side hurts.

Side Note: One time we got pet fish together and at one point last year I owned a turtle that Katie cared for immensely. RIP all of those who lived in 320 and didn’t make it out alive. May you all be swimming or walking around a golf course in Heaven.

 

Special Kids and Special Lessons

I don’t think we give enough credit to kids. And no, I don’t mean people ages 15-22 but rather those who are 11 and younger. Might seem like a weird thing to most people, after all what credit is there to give young kids…? I’ve spent a good amount of time the last year volunteering at a local elementary with kids in the special needs class room, ages kindergarten through fourth grade, and leave each day with something new learned. Each kid teaches me something without even deviating from their daily routine or even realizing that they’re doing it. While each day is different and has its unique experiences, the same values are repeated over and over.

1. Always greet people with a smile. This seems like a rather simple concept and a no brainer to most of us but far too often we don’t take the .2 seconds to acknowledge people. These kids, I kid you not, drop whatever they are doing to not only smile, but greet anyone with the sincerest ‘Hi _______!’ You’ll be in the room for no more than 10 seconds and hear a chorus of various greetings from teachers, associates, kids, everyone.
2. Laugh off the failures. Failure is inevitable. We learn things from each failure we experience, but more times than not we don’t look at it like that. No matter what these kids can’t do, they don’t let it get to them. One of my favorite students is always giggling and smiling even after not getting the correct answer or spelling a word correctly. She doesn’t let getting something wrong change the outcome of her attitude which I think is something everyone can learn to be better at.
3. Always remind others you care. I don’t think I can remember a time where I’ve been in an environment where I couldn’t help but feel like each person cared for everyone around them. No matter how hectic or chaotic the room gets, you will always hear a “I love you ______!” or a “Great job _____. I am so proud of you.” Spend an afternoon in their room and you’ll catch yourself smiling more times than not.
4. Hugs solve 99% of problems. Maybe 99% is a stretch but it sure seems like more times than not issues can be solved with one. I got a nasty gash on my head earlier this year and within minutes of sitting down to work with one of the students, I was asked what happened. After explaining, he looked me in the eyes and said “I’m sorry. Does it hurt?” and gave me a hug. No matter what is going on in your life, without saying anything, hugs have the ability to comfort us and insure us that things will be okay.

All of these lessons are ones that our parents have instilled in us from a young age and we can forget as we grow up. I believe kids teach us more than we realize, and we can all learn from them, regardless of our age. After all, age ain’t nothing but a number.

The Truth about College Peer Pressure

From a very young age we are all taught to never give in to peer pressure. Peer pressure is something you should ALWAYS stand up against; that age old line ‘you’re not a loser for saying no’. College is filled with peer pressure. For me, I figured it would be in regards to drinking, drugs, cheating on exams, or doing anything else that could land me in jail for a considerable amount of time.

None of that is true.

Okay maybe to some degree it is, but it also depends who you spend your time with and the people you consider your peer group. I’ve been in college for a couple years now and as I reflect on it, I realize the peer pressure I was warned about is nothing like the peer pressure I actually face. Here are my most common times college students face, and probably give in, to peer pressure.

1. Staying up late with you roommates.

Picture this: It’s 10 pm and you’re getting ready to wind down for the evening and maybe watch an episode or two of your favorite Netflix series. Then, all of a sudden, your door crashes open with your roommate, wild look in her eyes, screaming “COME OUT TO THE LIVING ROOM AND SOCIALIZE WITH US”. Naturally, you give in (but do you really have much of a choice???) and before you know it it’s close to midnight and you’re wide awake.

2. Skipping your class to grab breakfast or lunch with your friends because their classes got cancelled.

It’s the one time a week your friends can finally all get together for breakfast or lunch only for you to have to miss out because you have class. But then again how important is todays class? After all, the professor posts the slides online and you could easily get the notes from someone. He has a three skip policy and this would only be the second time… screw it, you can miss class.

3. Putting off classwork to go hang out with friends.

Everyone is getting ready to go out or do something and as much as you’d love to go, you’re held back because of homework. Your friends keep telling you that it can wait until tomorrow and little by little you’re beginning to realize they’re right. What’s one more day when the assignment isn’t due for two more days anyway?

4. Doing something stupid when someone hits you with a ‘you won’t’.

“What are the odds you go ____________” “What? No that’s stupid” “You won’t” “Okay fine. Twist my arm I’ll do it” Something stupid can mean a variety of things ranging from a snow angle in shorts and a t shirt to beer bonging a bottle of water. But never will a college student back down when challenged with a “you won’t”

5. Spending money, you really don’t have, on pointless items you won’t use except for the first 10 minutes you bring it home.

Weekly trips to Walmart can be quite dangerous for bank accounts. It’s not because of the price of the food but rather the pointless items you bring back. Nerf guns, air hockey tables, pool noodles, razor scooters, or cameo hoodies. Having lost all interest in them after a day, these items spend most of their time collecting dust and being used, at most, once every couple of months.

As the days go on, I find myself falling more and more into peer pressure. But it’s nothing like the pressure I was taught to say no to. I’ve come to realize that not all peer pressure is bad. It’s during the times that I gave in to it that I created some of my favorite memories with my friends in college. So parents, rest easy. While you are training your kid to say no to all those exotic drinks or drugs, they’re probably being pressured into buying matching razor scooters with their roommate.

 

To My First Love…

You’ve been in my life longer than anyone. You’ve been there for me through every heartbreak, challenging time, and life altering moment. Quite frankly, you’ve been the domino that started this chain reaction I call my life. You gave me a place to escape to when I need it most and I don’t know what I would do without you. That being said, I fully admit to taking you for granted. I abused the fact that you were always available to me and all the wonderful things I have experienced thanks to you.

Sports. Soccer, basketball, golf, and a very, very short stint in both swimming and t-ball. Each one provided me with a chance to grow, meet people, and become a better person. It started with soccer at age 3, t-ball at 5, basketball at 6, swimming at 8, and then finally golf at 13.

The competitive atmosphere introduced to me through sports will always be my favorite feeling. The fire burning within me wanting so badly to annihilate any and all opponents will never go out. The overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, excitement, and accomplishment that comes with winning was what kept me interested. The more dominate feelings of disappointment, anger, and motivation after a loss was what kept me coming back for more.

Sports don’t discriminate. The better team (usually) wins. Being as competitive as I am, I always wanted to be on the better team. Regardless of the sport, I was always blessed to be surrounded by teammates with the same mindset as me and showed  up to each practice wanting to leave better than they came. As I look back on the multitude of teammates I had over the years, I realize that each one of them played key roles in making me the athlete I am today. To all of you I am forever grateful for the roles you played and the lessons you’ve taught me.

 

Sports have given me the opportunity to travel across the US and to places I wouldn’t have gone to other wise. While basketball kept me playing around Iowa, golf and soccer took me all over the Midwest as well as Colorado, Florida, Texas, and Massachusetts.  I cherish any time I get for traveling and being able to play the sports I love made it that much better. The long road trips and always eventful airport visits will always be something I remember and love the most. You can learn a lot about your teammates when you’re trapped in a car with them for hours on end. You can also learn that the way you’ve been playing the card game ‘War’ is wrong. But only after wasting nearly an hour of your time.

The love/hate relationship that was formed with sports was one that can’t compare to any other aspect of my life. I hated the 5 am wake up calls for the 6:00 range time and 7:00 tee times. I loved the feeling of going coast to coast for the lay up, or finally being able to untie my cleats after a soccer game and feeling like my feet can finally breathe again. I loved seeing all my hard work pay off but hated all the time I spent away from friends and family practicing.

Hating the feeling of practicing was one that, as I look back on it, shouldn’t have even existed. I took for granted all the things sports gave to me and presented me with because all of the hard work was worth it. I shouldn’t have hated that feeling. I should’ve loved it and chased it more and more. It’s usually not until something has been taken away that I show my gratitude towards it.

Hating practice was a learned trait much like learning to love it again. Rewiring my brain to no longer look at what I was missing out on but rather looking forward to see what I’ll be able to experience took a while. Shocker, it too practice. I didn’t get it all at once and once I did get it, I didn’t always keep it. I can firmly say, now more than ever, I love the grind. I love all the scarifies that my family made and continues to make for me to follow my dreams and reach my full potential.

Sports gave me home away from home. Sports gave me happiness and confidence. Sports give me something to work towards. And it asks for nothing in return. Sports are quick to humble a person who either gets too big of a head or doesn’t spend enough time practicing.

So to my first love, I will never stop loving you and all the wonderful things you’ve given me.

 

Dream Bigger

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given? Who said it to you? How old were you? Was it about a specific aspect of your life or life in general? Do you remember where you were? Do you think about it often?

 
Hopefully everyone can answer the first question. The others, while important, don’t matter nearly as much. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever received was on Friday July 14th, 2017. The person who gave it to me probably didn’t realize just how much it would mean to me. No, I wasn’t in the middle of a very deep, life changing conversation when it happened. All honesty I was at work mowing a tee box when I got the notification. Since it was early morning I figured it was my boss texting me, so I checked it as soon as I had a free second.

 
Much to my surprise, it was a twitter notification. I opened twitter to see a response from one of my coaches to a tweet I had posted the day before. His tweet was short, sweet, right to the point: “Dream bigger #SundayatTheUSopen”. Two words and a hashtag. A man of few words but always knowing when and what to say. I thought about it. I was at a mid-level division I school and my coach telling me to dream bigger. Dream bigger about a career in golf after college. And not just any professional career, a professional career that would include playing the weekend at the pinnacle event in women’s golf. The astounding part about his response was that he genuinely meant it.

He said this to a player who has never shot even par on 18 holes in a college tournament. Someone who has never competed for a college tournament title, heck not even had a top ten finish. Yet he reminded me when mentioning Tuesday night lady league to dream bigger. To not hold myself back from settling, from keeping myself from imagining that every putt I make when practicing was to make the cut at the US Women’s Open.

 
I could’ve laughed it off. ‘Yeah okay coach like I’m gonna play at the US Women’s Open and make the cut’ but I didn’t. I screenshotted the tweet and have kept it on my phone since that morning. Sure, I didn’t have to do that. I would’ve gone back to twitter when I wanted to see it, but I wanted it with me always. If anyone else said something like that to me I can guarantee you I would have laughed in their face. But when your coach is telling you to dream that dream, you know you’re in good hands.

 
This doesn’t have to solely revolve around sports either. It’s applicable to all parts of my life. I think the best way to measure how good a piece of advice is to see how it stacks up to all kinds of situations. We all could use a little bit more dreaming in all facets of our lives. So, to everyone out there not letting themselves dream their wildest dreams I have one thing to tell you: Dream bigger.

A Letter to All Student-Athletes

It’s signing day. You’re surrounded by friends and family decked out in your university’s gear. With the swift stroke of a pen, and the flash of a camera, your future is set. You’ve signed the first of many official documents cementing your place in colligate athletics. Summer can’t come soon enough and before you know it you’re moving into your dorm room, meeting your teammates, beginning practices, starting classes, and learning how to do laundry.

 
It’s easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle that comes with your freshman year of college. Where is this building? What about that one? When should I order my text books? Wait isn’t syllabus week supposed to last a week not just the first ten minutes of class?? But this is all after waking up at 5 am for weights to only return back in time to quickly change and make sure you get to practice on time. Scratch that, early.

 
Before you even get a chance to get settled in with classes and professors, you begin traveling. Soon your professors know you only as the athlete who is NEVER in class and is constantly emailing them. Don’t worry you’re not the first athlete they’ve ever had. You feel like there is never enough time in the day and simultaneously wonder how the heck you ever lasted 8 hours at school just six months prior.

 
Whether you realize it or not, you become accustomed to your schedule and system and soon it will feel like you’ve been doing it for years. It’s not until your season ends and you’re finally able to catch your breath that you realized just how fast it flew by. One down, three to go.

 
It’s during the off season that you get a better taste of the social aspects to college. You might have gone to a party or two in season but soon you realize it’s a whole new ball game once you’re out of season. No more early weekend mornings mean it’s okay to stay out partying the night away. We’ve all done it so there’s no point in thinking you won’t be doing it too.

 
Life will be good. You’ll wonder how you ever last 18 years of your life without these people and love each and every moment you spend with them. You’ll meet people from all different backgrounds who, on paper, you would probably never become friends with. It’s those people that become your family. You’ll wonder if life is always meant to be this good and if it could ever go bad. But how could it? You’re a college athlete. Everyone who played sports growing up dreamed that dream at some point. Only you’re not in a dream. You’re living the reality.

 
However, things aren’t always as they seem. Life is good, but somethings missing. Those things that made you happy growing up, no longer have any significance. Colors become dull and school becomes a chore. Getting lost in it all soon becomes your new reality. You’re not exactly sure when it started but once it did you couldn’t stop it.

 
Athlete’s can be stubborn and think that if somethings not working that they can fix it on their own. So, you go out and practice, practice, practice. Still the void in your life can’t be filled. You think it’s just a slump and assume it will sort itself out in a couple days or weeks.

 
Soon nothing is as it was. Relationships with people become very surface level, homework becomes the hardest task to do, even getting up to go to practice or weights becomes something you dread. We’ve all heard the line “C’mon you’re an athlete going to school for free. How hard can it be?” You’ll wonder yourself if the question has any validity to it, after all, there are plenty of perks to being a student-athlete.

 
You’re surrounded by people who can help, but you have this image of being a rough and tough athlete. The last thing you want people to think of you is that you’re weak. Asking for help is the hardest thing to do. And even though you consider it, you can never bring yourself to do so. You can’t stand to lose your identity as a strong athlete. You identify with the word athlete and doing anything to destroy that is not an option.

 

My advice? From a former struggling student-athlete to a current one struggling, ask for help. It seems like just a simple thing to say but it’s the hardest thing to do. Strong is more than an adjective to describe someone’s physique. It describes someone’s mental state and how they view their values. Asking for help only makes you stronger mentally, emotionally, and figuratively. It in no way makes you weaker or any less of an athlete, when compared to someone who doesn’t struggle, to ask for help.

 
Asking for help shows you care. It shows that you’re understanding of something not being right, something not being the same. It shows that your self-worth is not defined by how many points you score in a game, or how many times you start. It’s bigger than that. It’s showing you understand that your mental health and well-being will always trump your athletic career or abilities.

 
One day you’re going to play your last game, score your last basket, hit one last putt, lace up your cleats one last time. Life as you know it is over and you embark on the journey of life after college athletics. Don’t let stubbornness get in the way of your happiness or hold yourself back from greatness.